by Don Winsor | Wednesday, November 18 | Posted in View

Over a dozen heretofore undetected terror plots were uncovered this week after a number of governors proclaimed their borders were closed to any but Christian refugees, despite their complete lack of any authority or ability to close the borders of their states to anyone at all.

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by Torin Andersen | Thursday, July 30 | Posted in Music

A choral escapade engulfing chiming guitars over half-time drums, Everything is Subliminal by The World Palestine (Les Easterby) opens like daydreams on a warm summer afternoon.

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by Don Winsor | Thursday, July 30 | Posted in View

Look, people, the answers are clear. When a bunch of gorillas get loose from the zoo and go around indiscriminately killing people, the obvious solution is more gorillas to fight the other gorillas. That's the only way to stop gorilla violence, for those first gorillas to think twice about going on a rampage because they're afraid of all the other gorillas. We don't need less gorillas and more laws. We need more gorillas. This message brought to you by the National Gorilla Association.

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by Bill Jenkins | Thursday, July 30 | Posted in View

What a month! Heat, heat and more heat. At this point I'm content to spend my time in a state of vegetation in the AC, under a ceiling fan and in front of the television. I'm too old and fat to risk a heart attack or heat stroke running around out in the heat.

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by Don Winsor | Thursday, July 30 | Posted in Food

There is too much coffee in town for you to be expected to keep tabs on all of it, so I've made you a helpful weekly planner to help you, because helping is what I do.


Ugh. Christ. It's Monday morning, you don't want anything too fancy, you need coffee and it needs to be comforting and dependable. The Donut Whole is your go-to for the best no-frills basic cup of joe, for a large take-away of their smooth blend and maybe even a chocolate caramel sea-salt donut to make you forget the pain.

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by Vickie Kline | Thursday, July 30 | Posted in Food

I am a sucker for wine gadgets. In my kitchen there exists a plethora of corkscrews and openers, foil cutters, aerators, wine charms and bottle accessories. Some are very useful while others were simply a waste of money, but fun just the same. The one item that gets the most use and is essential is the opener. Yes, a simple corkscrew would do, but there are so many other choices. Let's investigate the different types of wine bottle openers.

First, there is the standard metal winged corkscrew. It's not fancy, not expensive and always does the job.

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by Mike Marlett | Thursday, July 30 | Posted in Arts

The popular Final Friday show The Dead Martin Variety Hour at Roxy's Downtown has been chugging along to capacity crowds all year. This month, they're raising the stakes with the addition of a "biggish band," a new drinks menu, and promos with local businesses. The new band and other elements will debut at this month's show, Friday, July 31 at 11 p.m.

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by Jeremy Webster | Thursday, July 30 | Posted in Film

Remember when movies were fun?

Actually, let me clarify. Remember when experiencing movies was fun?

Once upon a time, in a magical, now largely mythologized era known as the 1980s, this author — who has served as a film critic since around 2001 or 2002 — was just an awkward, alienated, nerdish kid trapped in childhood in a tiny Kansas town.

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Thursday, July 30 | Posted in View

To the editor:

I would like to bring to your attention that on your Thursday, June 4 issue of the paper, on page 2, bottom half of the page, there is a an article named "Spying is keeping special brownies away."

This particular article is infested with misinformation. And on top of that Edward Snowden's name is misspelled.

How serious do you think people will take F5 after such vital misunderstandings and confusions in this context? You draw your own conclusions. This message is only intended in a constructive criticism manner.

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The skinny on your month.

by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, July 30 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F5
    Mark Ruffalo will appear to you in a dream and say, "Don't stop believing." This month: Become a motivational speaker — no, become the best motivational speaker.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
    You will have phenomenal customer service on a budget airline soon. So phenomenal that the reenactment for Ghost Hunters will require trick photography. This month: Bring back disco, in your own small way.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
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    Special One-Liner Answers Edition.

    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, July 30 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: I wasn't born in this country but I got here as quickly as I could at the age of 10. I was born in Mexico and live in Houston, a city that is bursting at the seams with Mexicans and Latinos from every country south of the border. I think I have the solution to all this immigration debate. The light bulb went on recently when I was attending a breakfast put on by big-time real estate developers at a five-star hotel. They were pitching new communities being built in resort cities starting at a mere half a million dollars. So why not just annex Mexico?

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    by Don Winsor | Tuesday, June 30 | Posted in Film

    Jurassic World is the fourth film in a beloved series centered around people running from dinosaurs which wouldn't exist if people weren't horrible. The first Jurassic Park was released in 1993 with a strong cast and groundbreaking special effects. Effects which if we're honest with ourselves, while still passable, don't REALLY hold up in places. The directing chores this time are handled by the very capable Colin Trevorrow, who helmed the offbeat indie Safety Not Guaranteed which not enough people have seen.

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    Never mind the Sweeds running through.

    by Don Winsor | Thursday, June 11 | Posted in View

    I haven't been in Kansas at this time of year, even for a visit, since 1995. It's a confusing time, when the weather warmly reminds you of other places and then punches you with the fury of angry gods because you parked over the line on Tuesday. Most every day as I leave my place, I hear Mother Nature whisper "this would be a great day to go to the beach."

    "That sounds nice," I respond. "But this would be an awful day to go to the beach, because other people will go to the beach."

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    by Jeremy Webster | Thursday, June 11 | Posted in Film

    The horror franchise.

    It has been a staple of cinema going back to the Universal Monsters years, often following the logic that, if produced on a modest budget for medium to big returns, it's an easy well to revisit every year or so as long as the audience keeps turning out.

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    Ourr's Family Dining is more artificial hip than hip.

    by Don Winsor | Thursday, June 11 | Posted in Food

    I'm always excited to try a new restaurant, if it isn't a chain, because they've always got their own character and spin on something. While I am by no means a foodie, I'm always curious to see if the new place has the best _______ in town.

    So, when I saw the old Furr's cafeteria building was under new ownership and management and was reopening, I hoped for good things given its relative proximity to where I live and the almost complete absence of good food in the area.

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    by Vickie Kline | Thursday, June 11 | Posted in Food

    With my continued obsession to try new and different wines, there is always a risk. Especially when there is no positive recommendation, and I grab a bottle simply on a whim. This happens quite often, although I never spend much money on an unfamiliar terroir. If a bottle of wine is more than $13, a nod of approval is expected from someone before purchasing. Picking up something I've never heard of before, I will sometimes question the liquor store employees and ask if they've tried it or have any information.

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    Muy caliente summer beach edition!

    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, June 11 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: Why are lowrider artists obsessed with surly clowns? Went to an exhibition of the art of Mr. Cartoon, in Venice Beach years ago, and the clowns in his art were downright disturbing. I've seen these nasty clowns on T-shirts and a bunch of other places, too. What's up with that? Did the whole culture have a nasty experience at the circus?

    — Cirque Du So Low

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    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, June 11 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F1
    In times of distress, you will find comfort in buying new socks. This week: Wear your nicest paisley suit.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F2
    You'll almost lose a leg when a mom pushing a stroller knocks you over at full speed. This week: Give side-eye to every mom you see.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F4
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    by Don Winsor | Wednesday, June 10 | Posted in View

    This week, Apple held its annual Worldwide Developers Conference and announced a number of innovative new products that already exist. Apple fans unaware of the existence of things Apple hasn't told them about were quick to offer their credit card number to purchase things other people already had.

    Apple Radio, for example, will be the first product to bring streaming radio-style music from the internet (aside from Spotify, Google Music, Pandora, and all of the other services which do that). Or, the actual radio.

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    by Mike Marlett | Monday, June 8 | Posted in Film

    Nerds, squeeeee.

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