F5

Last Friday night Lucky's Everyday hosted two bands — Virgin Mary Satellite and The Tits — gathered to wage war on silence.

Things used to be difficult to find, and then the internet spoiled that for everyone.

Kopi Luwak, the most expensive and rare sort of coffee in the world, can be obtained as easily via Amazon.com as a 24-pack of Green Mountains Pumpkin Spice K-cups.

Anything you want, you can obtain with enough Google-fu. Indiana Jones could probably have found the Ark of the Covenant without leaving his office or changing out of his bathrobe, if he'd only gone online.

The latest adaptation of The Great Gatsby fails to live up to the past work of either the director or the star.

Baz Luhrmann, who is best known for his film Moulin Rouge, first directed the then 22-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio in Romeo + Juliet. Luhrmann's style of putting modern twists on period pieces played well in both Moulin Rouge and Romeo + Juliet, but there is little to love in his newest project.

My second son, Elliott David Marlett, will be born by the time you read this. I'm typing all this up as my wife is going into labor. Really.

Don't worry, I'm going to stop and go to the hospital just as soon as I've finished typing.

If this issue seems a little rushed, well, I'm sorry.

We're all very excited, except maybe his older brother who is 2 years old and understands his brother to be a lump his mommy hides under her shirt.

Not too long ago, I took a friend to his doctor's appointment. Like me, he's a geezer and his problem is a geezer problem. So I took him to the urologist. In general, it's a plumbing problem. A question of flow. We can still write our names in the snow, it just looks more like Morse code. This weekend I heard a song by Professor Longhair, the late New Orleans pianist and singer. It was "The Wee Wee Hours of the Morning." Now I know what those wee wee hours really are.

Startup Weekend, an idea competition in which teams develop initial pitches into business plans in the course of 54 hours, is coming to Wichita. Slated for May 31 through June 2, the event aims to facilitate networking between software developers, designers, marketers, and idea-driven people of all disciplines who might not otherwise have a reason to interact.

Kevin Barry's debut novel, City of Bohane, out in paperback this June, is not for the casual reader or the faint of heart. Fans of Barry's 2007 book of short stories, There are Little Kingdoms, which innovatively depicts the lives of villagers in a somewhere-in-Western-Ireland small town, must be forewarned that Barry abandons the conventions of prose fiction in this inaugural work.

• Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
  
  Week rating: F3
  
  The road to hell is paved with cider-flavored ice cream. This week: Take the last burrito in the vending machine.
• Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
  
  Week rating: F2
  
  From now on, you should only purchase navy blue suits. This week: Find out how many items in your home could use some WD-40.
• Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
  
  Week rating: F5
  

Dear Mandy Patinkin,

Hello! It's been a while. We just wanted to drop you a line to check in because we haven't seen you in some time. Truth is, the last time we did see you, you kind of worried us. You had a big scary beard and you were shouting songs in Yiddish. Are you OK? You only ever seem to wear black turtlenecks these days. This isn't an intervention; don't get defensive. We are your friends, and we are concerned.